Letting Go

Sometimes, you just have to let go something important in place of something more significant. Being a sentimental person that I am, it's hard for me to give up something whether worn out clothes, or slippers, or even a candy wrapper if it was given to me by someone very important in my life. Yes, I am the type who keeps wrappers or papers that my hubby used to call 'junk' in my room. Even the stick of the banana cue he first gave me, I kept in my 'baul'. That's how sentimental I am.

When it comes to gadgets, I had a very big and heavy ECS laptop which my father bought for me when I was in first year college. During those times, you cannot just buy a laptop worth 20k. I think the cheapest was 40k. It's pretty expensive but for me it was a necessity since being a journalism student, I had a lot of paper works then and it was very inconvenient for me to stay until midnight in computer shops considering that we had curfew in our dorm. I named it Lappy. Well, I suppose she is a girl because she was so 'matampuhin'. Whenever I joke that I'll throw it because of its poor performance, it literally breaks down in front of me or it suddenly hangs. It underwent a lot of repairs but I'm glad that despite its many 'illnesses' like problems in LCD, keyboard, very low memory, etc., it was able to stay with me until my thesis defense. Lappy is now six years old, very old for a gadget, too outdated compared to the new models of laptop today. But you know what? I never disposed it. My father bought me a new laptop as a birthday present two years ago, which is what I am using now. But I haven't named it yet. Of course I sometimes miss Lappy. And whenever this laptop breaks down, Lappy is always ready to rescue me. Yes, it was Lappy that I use when I wrote my paper for Kritika and my play for my playwriting techniques.

After Lappy, three years ago I bought a P900 cellphone. It was very important for me because I was the one who bought it. It was my own money which I earned from my first job. In other words, it was my 'own sweat and blood'. And I didn't pay it at once. I paid it for about three months before completing the payment. It has really sentimental value because it was also the cellphone that my hubby brought abroad. I even joked him once about how lucky that cellphone was because it already traveled at Egypt, Turkey, Mexico, Miami, Italy, France, and other European countries. Yes, that P900 of mine was able to have its European cruise because that was the route of NCL, where my hubby used to work. But sad to say, I just sold it awhile ago...

I don't have a job and we have a lot of expenses. We just had payed the penalty for our business permit and renewed it at the same time. We didn't have enough savings and I'm not the type who asks money to my parents especially now that I'm married. I also don't want to borrow money from them or from my siblings or from my friends. I wanted to pawn my pair of earrings that my mom gave to me but I just can't. I already pawned one and I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to redeem it. So I had no choice but to sell my P900 since I still have my other cellphone. I have to sell it in order for me to pay the amount needed for our live-in workshop in Tagaytay. I thought it was really worth it since workshop is workshop. Never mind the sentimental value, I told myself. I thought I had my problem solved. But you know what happened?

I almost cried when I learned from our prof.'s email that the out-of-town workshop will be cancelled due to some reasons. If only I could give back the money to the buyer and get back my P900... but it's too late. That would be unfair to the buyer. And embarrassing too.

I told my brother about it. He too felt sorry for me... and for the P900. Well, he tried to comfort me and said that maybe it's about time for me to bid goodbye to it.